Does this sound familiar? (read with a tone of frustration and blame)
- Don’t do that! You know you’re not supposed to….
- What do I have to do to get you to listen to me?
- Stop hitting. Cut it out.
- How many times do I have to tell you?!
- Quiet down, you’re just too much!
Imagine being the child on the receiving end of this. What happens to you when you hear “Why can’t you just listen?!”
Do you tense up, look away, run off, shut down? Where does your focus go?
As a child, depending on your temperament and how you have learned to avoid trouble, you choose a defense mechanism that keeps you safe. When you hear that familiar tone of frustration in the adults around you, you immediately hide behind your wall—your defense of choice. This could be yelling, crying, avoidance, laughing, people pleasing, becoming invisible, or anything else that shifts attention away from you.
Children don’t focus on the effects of their behavior when called out; they focus on themselves and strategize how to keep from getting Read more…
Your three-year-old throws herself on the ground at the playground right as you try to leave. Your seven-year-old has a complete meltdown at a birthday party, in front of every parent you know. Your teen yells quite loudly in the restaurant, “Would you just leave me alone. You don’t know anything!” 
There is a common question that we get in our work in Connective Parenting all the time. “Can Connective Parenting work with difficult or aggressive kids?” Parents of kids who hit, explode, shut down, or cycle through meltdowns on a daily basis often arrive at Connective Parenting with one burning question: “Does this actually work for kids like mine?” The answer is yes. 
Parenting often feels like walking a tightrope between love and limits — nurturing your child’s emotions while guiding their behavior. Sometimes, all the empathy in the world doesn’t seem to help, leaving parents unsure how to stay connected while leading with confidence.
A Connective Parent asked about how toddlers learn self-control. Every parent needs real-life solutions to tantrums.
The family is a nurturing ground, not a training ground. When I hear parents say, “My job is to prepare him to deal with the real world. People out there aren’t going to care how he feels about what he has to do,” I hear a justification for traditional, authoritarian parenting, and I want to counter it to expose the moving parts.
Screentime? How About Freetime Instead
Q. We have a 4-year-old turning 5 next month, and we have a lot of toilet talk going on. We’ve tried ignoring it, explaining why it’s not okay and that it’s not okay to use in our house. Nothing seems to work. He just lays around and says: penis, boobies, 
Q. My 9 year old boy’s behavior is driving me nuts and making me feel like failure. He is a strong-willed, smart boy, who will do anything only if he likes it. There are many things he decides he doesn’t like to do or eat, and there is no cajoling that can get him to give it a try. But my bigger problem here is his constant lying. He cannot stop himself from lying and sneaking. And this
Q. I know you don’t believe in consequences, but is there ever a circumstance where a consequence is effective even when knowing the root cause of the behavior? Example: My 10-year-old son expressed this morning that he wished he didn’t have to go to school. He was moody and angry. I did some digging and turns out he hates music and it’s his first class of the day. I get it. I said missing school isn’t an option and asked if he could think of anything to make the day bearable. He was super angry and wasn’t open to hearing me and started to call me vulgar names/swears. I told him that calling me names is unacceptable—something I’ve told him many times. He stormed outside to ride his scooter for a bit, and I was left wondering if he should lose YouTube after school. Will it make him remember or think twice when he is in the red zone swearing at me? Is it just a thing parents do to feel in control when the situation feels so out of