You’ve probably seen it—another TikTok about the five missed signs of ADHD or an Instagram reel celebrating autism as a superpower. Conversations about neurodivergence are more visible than ever, and has even become a hot-button talking point in political circles. Experts, influencers, and practitioners are offering everything from behavioral strategies to nutrition tips to help families “manage” differently-wired brains.
But here’s what often gets left out: neurodivergent minds aren’t new.
Long before labels, many of the traits we now associate with ADHD, autism, sensory processing differences, and more were simply part of the human landscape. In fact, they were assets in earlier eras—essential for survival, creativity, and innovation. So, when did we lose this perspective?
The rise of industrialization brought with it a drive for standardization and the “good worker” mentality. Diverse minds began to be seen as problems to fix, impediments to productivity, and opinions that got in the way of industrial flow. Instead of seeing differences in thought that expand our ability to problem solve, think critically, and create new things, we have taken these thought makers, doers, and compassion leaders and told them that there is something wrong with them. This is not true.
So, how do we support families to shift their mindsets from “managing” behavior to building connections that solve challenges?
The Role of Empathy
Empathy is what helps us get beneath the behavior to understand the experience. Empathy looks like reassurance when the environment gets loud and patience when a story has gone off the rails. It sounds like “tell me more about your thinking?” instead of “you are so destructive?”. It feels like not justifying yourself, your interests, or your experiences to be understood. Empathy is how we build trust and safety, even when we don’t fully understand what others are going through.
For Parents of Neurodivergent Children:
Start by recognizing that your child may interpret and experience the world in ways that feel unfamiliar to you, and that’s okay. You don’t have to fix it. You don’t have to fully understand it. But your child does need you to be curious, open, and willing to learn.
Instead of asking, “How do I get my child to behave?” try asking, “What’s going on beneath the behavior?” or “What does my child need from me right now?”
When your child has a strong reaction to something, try validating what they’re experiencing—even if it’s not a problem for you.. “Looks like that tag in your shirt really bothers you.” tells your child: You’re not too much. I see you. I believe you.
For Neurodivergent Parents:
Parenting while also navigating your own neurodivergence can add layers of complexity. Maybe your sensory needs clash with your child’s. Maybe emotional regulation is hard for both of you at the same time. Maybe traditional parenting advice just doesn’t work for how your brain is wired.
Bring self-compassion into the picture. You don’t have to parent like anyone else—you just have to parent like you.
When things feel overwhelming, name it. “I need a quiet moment before I can help you with this,” is not a failure—it’s a boundary, and it models emotional awareness and regulation for your child.
Connection Through Communication
Communication in a neurodiverse family doesn’t always follow the norms, and that’s okay. What matters is creating shared understanding in ways that feel accessible and respectful for everyone.
With Neurodivergent Children:
Children who struggle with language, transitions, or social cues may benefit from visual supports and permission to process at their own pace.
Demanding an immediate response is more likely to add stress rather than encourage compliance. Connective Parenting encourages emotional reflection: “This feels hard right now. Let’s take a break and figure it out together,” or “Do you want to think about this and let me know in a few minutes?”
These simple statements acknowledge your child’s experience and help them begin to name and navigate thoughts and big emotions, without shame or pressure.
For Neurodivergent Parents:
Your communication style may not look like what parenting books describe—and that’s a strength, not a shortcoming. Maybe you need time to process before responding, or maybe writing your thoughts is easier than speaking them aloud.
What matters most is being transparent about your needs. “I need a few minutes to think before I respond” can become a powerful tool for building mutual understanding, and it teaches your child that honoring one’s own process is valid and respectful.
Regulating Together
We all experience intense responses at times—sound, smell, touch, and visual clutter can be hard.
For Parents of Neurodivergent Children:
Creating a sensory-friendly environment at home can make a world of difference. This might include a quiet space with soft lighting, zone-out times, or calming routines that help your child return to a grounded state.
Equally important: check in with your own state. If you’re dysregulated, your child will be too. Pause. Breathe. Regroup. Then return to the moment with your child from a place of calm and presence.
For Neurodivergent Parents:
You are not expected to be calm and regulated at all times. In fact, one of the most powerful things you can do is model self-compassion when things go sideways.
Practice proactive regulation strategies that work for your nervous system—whether that’s silence, movement, sensory tools, or time alone. Share what works for you with your child. Let them see what self-awareness looks like in action.
Parenting in a neurodiverse household is hard, but it’s also an invitation to deepen understanding, build flexibility, and grow closer in ways that are both powerful and lasting.
A Few Guiding Reminders:
- Celebrate differences. Your child isn’t broken—and neither are you. We are all wired uniquely, and your relationship can thrive because of that, not in spite of it.
- Stay flexible. What works today might not work tomorrow for either of you. That’s not failure—it’s growth. Stay open and curious.
- Lead with connection. Connection isn’t a reward for good behavior. It’s the foundation of all learning, regulation, and emotional safety.
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