Bonnie Harris | Connective Parenting | Parent-Child Relationship

How to Step Out Of Your Child’s Drama

Q. My 13-year-old is constantly complaining about things at school. She complains about who is getting away with what, that the teacher is targeting and being mean to her, and that another long-time friend is talking behind her back. She had me ready to barge into school and take down the teachers, administration, and the mean group of girls. Then I checked in with a friend whose son is in the same class and she had a different perspective from a different point of view (her son’s) which made me reevaluate everything that my daughter was telling me. My question is how do you deal with your child’s drama without getting sucked in?

A. Kids love drama! For kids, whipping up a little bit of drama is great practice for negotiating systems and navigating relationships. They use different kinds of language to practice their impact and to strategically figure out how to get what they want. When we are young, we all practice our dramatic skills of provocativeness to see how our responses might impact another. This can be great Read more…

New Year’s Resolutions for Building Better Connections with Your Children

As the calendar turns to a new year, many of us reflect on the past and set resolutions for the months ahead. While goals like exercising more or saving money are common, the start of a new year is also the perfect time to focus on family relationships, especially the ones with your children.

Parenting can be overwhelming, and it’s easy to feel caught up in the daily grind. But this year, let’s aim to build better connections with our kids, deepen curiosity about who they are, practice patience in the tough moments, and commit to self-care so we can parent from a place of balance and strength.

These resolutions aren’t about perfection; they’re about being intentional and creating opportunities for growth, connection, and love. Let’s explore how to make these goals part of your parenting journey.

1. Build Stronger Connections

At the heart of parenting is connection. When kids feel connected to their parents, they are more likely to feel secure, valued, and loved. Strengthening this bond doesn’t require grand gestures. It’s the small, everyday moments that matter most. Read more…

Respecting Different Traditions During the Holidays

Traditions During the Holidays

The holiday season is a time to honor traditions, some passed down for generations and others newly created. But not all families celebrate in the same way. As we live in an increasingly connected and diverse world, it’s important to learn how to respect and appreciate the many different traditions people hold dear so we can help our children respectfully explore and share love with others with different experiences and cultures.

Respecting others’ traditions isn’t just about being polite; it’s about showing kindness, curiosity, and understanding. When we take the time to learn about what others celebrate, we teach our children valuable lessons about empathy, community, and the beauty and diversity of the world. Let’s explore ways to embrace and respect different traditions during the holiday season.

What Are Traditions?

Traditions are activities or beliefs that are meaningful to a group of people. Some traditions are connected to religious or cultural holidays, while others are simply things families love to do. My children love the tradition of setting luminaries out in the yard for each of Read more…

Healing You To Connect With Them: Childhood Wounds and Not Passing Them On

By Shannon McNamara, Connective Parenting Associate Director

Parenting is one of the most rewarding, yet hardest, things you’ll ever do. Not only are you responsible for guiding your children through their journey, but many of us find ourselves facing unresolved themes from our childhoods. These past experiences influence how we interact with our children, often in ways we don’t even realize.

Understanding Childhood Trauma

What do we mean by childhood trauma? Childhood trauma is any harmful or upsetting experience from childhood that leaves a lasting impact on your emotions and behavior. These can be big things like abuse and neglect, or less obvious events like losing a loved one, growing up in a stressful or unstable home, bullying, simply feeling unheard, etc.. Even when we work through the major events, leftover emotions or beliefs can pop up unexpectedly and disrupt our current life.

When we become parents, these old wounds can reappear, making us overly sensitive to our child’s behavior or unsure how to react. This is especially true if our own needs were unmet as children. If we were Read more…

Embracing Gratitude With A Little Help From Mr. Rogers

An Article on Gratitude by Shannon McNamara, Associate Director

In a world that can often feel overwhelming, filled with the demands and surprises of daily life, taking a step back to appreciate the small and often overlooked moments can bring a renewed sense of connection and joy. In the words of Fred Rogers, “The best gift you can give somebody is your honest self.” Mr. Rogers, known for his gentle and wise approach to the emotional lives of children, offers parents today a powerful reminder: gratitude begins with seeing, honoring, and connecting deeply with ourselves and our children.

Parenting offers us countless opportunities to practice gratitude. Each time we pause to truly see our children—to listen to their thoughts, questions, or even their frustrations—we build a bridge of connection. Moments when your child curls up next to you, shares a piece of their world, or laughs at something silly are windows into their hearts. By slowing down to appreciate these moments, we can practice gratitude not as an ideal but as a way of being. As the old saying goes, Read more…

Announcing Shannon McNamara as Associate Director: New Initiatives at Connective Parenting

We are thrilled to announce that Shannon McNamara, LICSW, has joined Connective Parenting as Associate Director. With over 20 years of experience in clinical social work and a deep commitment to helping families, Shannon is well-prepared to lead several key initiatives that will expand our programs and reach even more parents and professionals.

Shannon’s Journey to Connective Parenting

Before joining Connective Parenting, Shannon spent 8 years working in child and family social work. She discovered Connective Parenting through the When Your Kids Push Your Buttons program and was drawn to its focus on helping parents understand their own reactions, rather than simply trying to “fix” the child. Over the past 12 years, Shannon has seen this approach transform her own relationship with her three children. As an instructor for 8 years, she has helped countless families do the same. Now, as Associate Director, she is excited to work alongside her mentor, Bonnie Harris, to expand the impact of Connective Parenting.

What’s Next: New Initiatives and Expanded Reach

In her new role, Shannon will expand several key areas:

Train-the-Trainer Professional

Nothing is more important for your children than your own well-being.

One mom said, “If I hear one more time, fill your own cup first, I will scream. I don’t have time for yoga classes and coffee with friends.” I hear you. I would like to offer a different way to keep your cup full, your energy balanced, and your responses controlled.

It’s not all the time. It’s those moments when your child says or does that thing, gives that look or throws that punch, and you lose control. Everything you hear and read about tells you to stay calm, to stop and breathe to avoid that parenting road rage. Like it’s that easy. In the heat of the moment, it’s impossible. Instead, once again you feel like a failure.

What I’m suggesting isn’t easy. And it takes time, focus, and commitment. But you can do it piece by piece without getting out of your pajamas. You don’t have to do anything in the heat of the moment. It’s what you do after that keeps building and improving your relationship. Read more…

The “Wait until 8th” Pledge

Q. As I navigate my way through the influence of technology my fears are around knowing that I have a certain amount of control right now while my kids are 5 and 7, but what about later? I’ve taken the “Wait Until 8th” pledge, committing to not giving my kids phones until at least 8th grade. And even then, I would lean toward “dumb” phones. But perhaps what scares me most is how being on social media will affect them when they reach that stage. It’s something I never had to experience myself. The bullying, anxiety, eating disorders, and everything else that stems from the weight of that world frightens me. And what I hear from others and read in The Anxious Generation, is that kids find a way to be on those platforms, even when devices are limited at home. What can I do now to set them up for the healthiest possible choices since they’ll likely “find a way” once they reach teenagehood.

A. Good for you. I am hoping that by the time your children are Read more…

Why are Parents in a Mental Health Crisis?

The Surgeon General has recently proclaimed that parenting today has become a mental health crisis. In an interview on NPR, U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy, a father of two, claims that 48% of parents feel “overwhelmingly stressed” every day. The surgeon general’s advisory is calling for “shifts in policy and cultural norms.”

As part of their 36 page report, the advisory says, “The work of parenting is essential not only for the health of children but also for the health of society….We know that the well-being of parents and caregivers is directly linked to the well-being of their children….It’s time to value and respect time spent parenting on par with time spent working at a paying job, recognizing the critical importance to society of raising children.” Here, here!

The advisory claims that parents spend many more hours both at work and childcare than in 1985. Talk about burning the candle at both ends. They also say the effects of “cultural comparison” exacerbated by online focus on parenting achievements and failures translates to exhausted parents. Murthy says, Read more…

Turn “Potty Talk” into “Body Talk”

You know that stage-when your child thinks using “potty talk” is just too fun and funny to stop. But, what motivates this “rude” behavior?

Q: We have a boy 4 turning 5 next month, and we really have a lot of toilet talk going on. We’ve tried ignoring it and explaining why it’s not okay and that it’s not okay to use in our house, nothing seems to work he just lays around and says: penis, boobies, vagina and others – no swear words but typical toilet talk. He will poke me or others and say I can see your booby, bum bum etc. also with his 1 year old sister and dogs etc. One older friend exacerbates this, and we notice that when they are together it is much worse but our almost 5 yo certainly says it too much. Any advice would be appreciated as it’s starting to be such a theme and hard to help him know that it’s not okay to yell this and say it all the time.

A. I’m afraid he yells these Read more…