Anxiety seems to be on everyone’s minds right now, especially parents. With so much going on in the world, with our relationships and work, and with our children, it’s easy to become overwhelmed, short-tempered, and exhausted. All parents want their children to feel happy, safe and loved. But sometimes, our own worries can get in the way. Worry and anxiety can creep into our lives like water through cracks in the foundation of our homes, making us feel overwhelmed or stuck. The good news is that we can leverage some of these natural, albeit big, emotions to build stronger, healthier relationships with our children by understanding our worries and fears and learning how to manage them.
What is Parent Anxiety?
Parent anxiety is when we feel worried or stressed about our children, their futures, or our role as parents. It’s normal to worry from time to time. But when those worries become overwhelming, they can make it harder for us to enjoy parenting or make clear decisions. For example, you might constantly worry about your child getting hurt or failing at school. These fears can keep you up at night or cause you to be overly protective, thus stopping your children from freely exploring and experiencing the world.
How Does Anxiety Affect Our Kids?
Children are the most naturally observant people you will ever meet. They pick up on our emotions, through simple sighs, shrugs, and eye movements. They know when the vibe is off in the room and they can make up any number of reasons why. It’s not overreacting for them. It’s about survival. If we’re feeling anxious, our kids can sense it. They might not understand what’s wrong, but they’ll notice our stress. This can make them feel uneasy or anxious themselves.
If a parent is constantly anxious or worried, children may start to worry more, too. They may feel like they have to protect their parent or take on responsibility for their emotions. They may become fearful or overly cautious about taking risks or trying new things and feel like the world is a scary place. Anxious parents might focus on what could go wrong, which can make kids doubt themselves and their abilities. Instead of feeling supported, they may feel pressured to avoid mistakes. Parent anxiety can make it hard for us to be fully present with our children leading to missed moments of connection.
So, What Can We Do About it?
The first step is recognizing that anxiety is part of being human. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent. Doubting is absolutely natural and means you are a conscious parent. If you never had doubts, no one would want to live with you! In fact, taking steps to manage your anxiety shows your children how to handle their own emotions. For example, when you are overwhelmed or feel like things are moving too quickly you can try to pause and breathe. Close your eyes, take a deep breath in through your nose, and slowly breathe out through your mouth. Do this a few times until you feel a little calmer. Deep breathing helps your body and brain relax, making it easier to think clearly. Work on noticing your thoughts in the moment. Anxiety often comes from “what if” thoughts. What if my child fails the test? What if they get hurt at the playground? What if I don’t have the right answer? When you notice these thoughts, ask yourself, “Is this really true?” or “What’s the worst that could happen, and how would we handle it?” Challenging anxious thoughts can help you feel more grounded.
Make sure to talk about your feelings. It’s okay to let your children know when you’re feeling stressed or anxious, as long as you’re honest, calm about it, and take responsibility for yourself. For example, you could say, “I’m feeling a little worried right now, but I’m taking a moment to breathe. It’s okay to feel this way sometimes.” This teaches children that it’s normal to have big feelings and that they can be managed. When you show your children how you deal with stress they learn to integrate good strategies and methods for stress relief into their own lives. Maybe you share how you like to listen to music, write in a journal, or go for a walk. When they see you handling anxiety in healthy ways, they’ll learn to do the same.
Above all, take care of yourself. When we’re stressed, it’s easy to forget about self-care, but taking care of yourself helps you be a better parent. Get enough sleep, eat healthy food, and find time to move your body. Even a short walk outside can help calm your mind. And if your anxiety feels overwhelming, it’s okay to ask for help. Talk to a friend, join a parenting group like When Your Kids Push Your Buttons or a Parent Connections group, or reach out to a therapist. You’re not alone, and getting support can make a big difference in managing yourself and supporting your connection with your child.
Helping Kids Navigate Anxiety
If your child is feeling anxious because of your stress, you can help them too. Encourage them to talk about their feelings and remind them that it’s okay to feel worried sometimes. Help them find healthy ways to cope, like drawing, taking deep breaths, exercising, or talking to a trusted adult.
Most importantly, reassure them that you’re working on your own feelings. Let them know they’re not responsible for your emotions. For example, you could say, “Sometimes I feel worried, but I’m working on it. You don’t have to fix it. I’ve got this.”
Final Thoughts
Parenting is hard but beautiful. It’s natural to feel anxious at times. But by understanding and managing our anxiety, we can create a calm and supportive environment for our children. Remember, it’s not about being a perfect parent. It’s about showing up, learning, and growing together with clear, open, and empathetic communication. This is how we grow together as a family and in our communities.
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