Emotional intelligence is a powerful tool for building strong, healthy relationships. It helps us understand our own emotions, empathize with others, and navigate life’s challenges. One of the most important skills in developing emotional intelligence is emotional literacy. Emotional literacy is the ability to recognize, understand, express, and manage emotions in oneself and others. It is truly the foundation for connection. Emotional Literacy starts long before the classroom, at home, with parents modeling and teaching the language of feelings to each other every day.
As soon as children are born, they begin to recognize and respond to others’ emotions. This is how they secure their survival and ensure that they are fed, cared for, and loved. In fact, the bulk of emotional understanding begins before kids even learn their ABCs. However, emotional literacy is a lifelong skill that evolves with experience and guidance.
Why Emotional Literacy Matters
Grown-ups often get upset when kids cry, hit, throw things, or tantrum. This can be even more frustrating for a parent whose child has a regulation challenge like ADHD where children may struggle with impulse control, intense emotions, and difficulty identifying or communicating their feelings.
Emotional literacy gives children the words to explain what they’re feeling. It helps them make sense of their inner world and gives them the tools to manage their emotions instead of being overwhelmed by them. When kids understand their emotions, they’re less likely to act out in frustration or shut down when things get tough. When they can identify their own feelings, they’re better able to understand the emotions of others. This strengthens their relationships and builds the foundation for strong, meaningful connections through empathy.
Teaching Emotional Literacy
1. Name the Emotion
When our children are feeling something, help them label it. If they’re frustrated, you might say, “It seems like you’re feeling frustrated because you can’t finish your homework. Is that right?” By naming the emotion, you help your child understand what they’re feeling and why.
We can also do this in our own lives. If we’re feeling tired or stressed, we can say out loud: “I’m feeling overwhelmed right now because I have a lot of work to do.” Modeling this behavior shows our kids it’s okay to talk about emotions. Sometimes expressing what is happening inside and acknowledging how we are feeling is all that needs to happen to help our children understand that empathy needs to be given just as much as it needs to be felt.
2. Validate, Validate, Validate
Children need to know that their emotions are valid, even when those feelings are big or uncomfortable. When your child shares how they’re feeling, listen without judgment. It’s tempting to try and talk them out of their feelings or invalidate the feelings because they are hard to talk about. Instead, acknowledge what they’re feeling: “I can see that you’re really sad right now. It’s okay to feel sad.”
Validating emotions helps children feel understood and supported, which is crucial for building trust and connection.
3. Owning Your Feelings
Using “I” statements is a great way to teach your child how to express emotions without blaming others. Instead of saying, “You’re making me mad,” you might say, “I’m upset because I didn’t get a chance to explain my point.” This shows children how to take responsibility for their feelings and communicate them in a way that invites understanding, not conflict.
Encourage your child to use “I” statements when they’re feeling upset. This not only gives them the language to express their emotions, but it also helps them learn to solve conflicts peacefully.
4. Talk About Emotions in Everyday Situations
Every day is filled with opportunities to talk about our feelings. You might talk about how a character in a movie is feeling or ask your child how they felt about a particular event at school. These conversations help kids practice identifying emotions in different situations and gives them the chance to explore how different emotions feel and why they happen.
For example, if a character in a book looks worried, you might ask, “Why do you think they’re feeling that way?” Or, after a playdate, you could ask, “How did you feel when your friend shared their toy with you?”. If they are having trouble expressing themselves you can give them a hand. Try describing what it might feel like in their bodies and see if they agree or can describe something else in their own words. This models empathy and your child knows that you are really listening and interested in what they are saying.
5. Help Your Child Find Healthy Coping Strategies
Part of emotional literacy is learning how to handle big feelings in a healthy way. Talking, teaching, and modeling simple strategies for managing emotions can help kids regulate when growing up feels unmanageable. Things like taking a break, deep breathing, or exercising when they’re angry or sad help them know that there are lots of different ways to manage emotions. Encourage them to talk about their feelings instead of bottling them up and model good coping strategies yourself. If you’re feeling stressed, show your child how you manage stress. Have a dance party, take a walk, or listen to music. This shows them that it’s okay to have big feelings and that there are ways to handle them without hurting themselves or others.
Normalize
When parents model emotional literacy, they help create a safe space where children feel understood and valued. Teaching emotional literacy is not just about learning new words; it’s about building understanding, empathy, trust, and connection.
By naming, validating, and expressing emotions in our everyday lives, we guide our children in understanding their own feelings and the feelings of others. This strengthens the bond between parent and child, creating a family dynamic where feelings are seen as a normal part of life and an opportunity for deeper connection. Those are gifts that last a lifetime.