Tag Archives: relationship

Dear Mom/ Step Mom/ Grandmother/ Surrogate Mother

You know that thing you did last Tuesday? The thing that took about four minutes and that no one acknowledged, maybe no one even noticed? You tracked the unsigned permission slip with several phone calls to make sure your child got to go on the trip. You reschedule a doctor’s appointment so your child could go to the birthday party. You organized drivers for all your kids so all their activities could happen. You remembered that your child had been quieter than usual at breakfast and held that in the back of your mind all day. You rearranged a small part of your afternoon, without fanfare to check in.

You do dozens of these things every week—every day. Most of them will never be named. Many of them are things no one else would have thought to do at all, because you are the one whose mind is organized around the people in your family, constantly running a background check that keeps things from falling through the cracks.

Thank you! We see you. Read more…

A Letter to the Caregivers of New Graduates No One Thinks to Check On

Dear fellow loved ones of high school seniors — this one’s for you.

If you are like me, with a high school senior soon to be off on their own, this season is really exciting. It’s also quietly breaking my heart. And nobody’s talking about that enough.

Your senior barely glances up when you walk in. Their weekends are full, but none of it includes you. They’re sprinting toward a future that needs you less with every passing week. And underneath all that pride you absolutely feel, something else has moved in. Something that sits in your chest at night when the house gets quiet.

Grief, maybe. A loneliness you weren’t prepared for. A resentment you feel ashamed to even whisper, because aren’t you supposed to just be happy for them?

We are happy for them. Of course we are. But we’re also losing something. Something real, something irreplaceable, something that doesn’t have a clean name yet.

Both things are true. Both things deserve to be felt.

The Feelings Nobody Talks About

There’s a lot of cultural permission to be Read more…

When Your Child Embarrasses You: A Connective Parenting Perspective

Your three-year-old throws herself on the ground at the playground right as you try to leave. Your seven-year-old has a complete meltdown at a birthday party, in front of every parent you know. Your teen yells quite loudly in the restaurant, “Would you just leave me alone. You don’t know anything!”

Few parenting moments sting quite like being embarrassed by your child in public. And that sting can send us straight into reactive mode before we’ve even had a chance to think.

These moments are frustrating and embarrassing, but how we respond in those moments matters far more than the embarrassing behavior itself.

Your Child Isn’t Trying to Humiliate You

When a young child does something mortifying, our instinct is to make it stop…fast. We hush, threaten, and apologize to everyone around us while shooting our child a look that says we will be discussing this later.

But before we react, it’s worth asking a different question: what is this behavior telling me?

If you have been following the Connective Parenting work for a while you already know that a Read more…

Why Your Child May Feel Unseen Even When You’re Always There

Most of us believe we see our children clearly. We know their faces, their moods, the particular way they go quiet when something is wrong. We show up. We ask questions. We pay attention. And still, we can look right at them and miss them entirely.

Not because we aren’t trying. Because we are trying too hard to fix, to reassure, to move them toward okay. In that effort, we stop making room for where they actually are.

This is the quiet failure of attunement. It looks like love. It sounds like encouragement. But it can leave a child feeling profoundly alone in a room full of people who adore them.

Missing the Signals Through the Hope

My daughter spent several years navigating a significant medical experience. There were procedures, hospital visits, tests, and all of the uncertainty and disruption that comes with something like that landing in the middle of your adolescence. When it was finally over, we walked out of the doctor’s office and went to celebrate.

My daughter seemed off though. I questioned what was happening for Read more…

Helping Children Push Through Discomfort

There is a question that we ask again and again in our parenting classes, especially as our kids grow and push against their comfort zones:

Is this unsafe, or just uncomfortable?

In a world that is increasingly aware of emotional and physical safety, many parents find themselves unsure where protection ends and growth begins. We want our children to feel secure, respected, and supported. At the same time, we want them to develop confidence, resilience, and the ability to navigate the world without us clearing every obstacle in their path.

The tension is real, and it’s exhausting.

Part of what makes this so difficult is that discomfort can feel a lot like danger, especially through a child’s nervous system. When a child’s body reacts with fear, tears, resistance, or shutdown, it triggers something deep in us. Our instincts tell us to stop the experience, remove the stressor, or intervene immediately.

We can feel all the parts of their anxiety, helplessness, and fear as if it were happening to us, or reminding us of a time when we were left helpless Read more…

Resisting the Urge to Help

One of the hardest parts of parenting (especially for thoughtful, attuned parents) is resisting the urge to help.

Not the neglectful kind of stepping back, but the very human impulse to jump in, fix, remind, rescue, explain, or smooth the path when our children are struggling. When we see them frustrated, overwhelmed, disappointed, or headed toward a mistake, something tightens in our chest. Our minds race ahead to the outcome. And before we even realize what’s happening, we’re already intervening.

“Did you email your teacher?”
“Here, let me show you how to do it.”
“Just do it this way—it’ll be easier.”
“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

We help because we care, because we’re afraid, because watching our kids struggle can feel unbearable.

But sometimes, our helping gets in the way of their development.

When Helping Is Really About Our Own Discomfort

In Connective Parenting, we talk a lot about buttons, those internal places that get pushed when our children are distressed. The urge to help is often one of those buttons.

When our kids are struggling, what stirs inside Read more…

Letting Go of the Perfect Holiday: Staying Connected When Expectations Rise

Every year, the holiday season arrives with its bright lights, traditions, and a quiet but powerful cultural pressure to create something magical. We can’t help but feel it in the pile of to-dos, school and family events on the calendar, the “perfect” images online, and the belief that our children’s happiness depends on our performance. Personally, I can’t tell you how much I hate that stupid Elf!

We often talk about the expectations that live inside us. The “shoulds” from our own childhoods, the pressures we absorb from family, and the internalized stories we hold about what a “good parent” looks like. During the holidays, those expectations get louder. And when they collide with the realities of real life (kids who melt down, stressed partners, finances that feel stretched, and schedules that are simply too full) the disconnect can fuel frustration and shame.

But the truth is: connection, not perfection, is what children remember.

Where Holiday Expectations Come From

Holiday stress rarely starts with the present moment. It starts with history.

Many parents find themselves recreating (or trying to fix) Read more…

How to Navigate Holiday Triggers: A Practical Parent’s Guide to Stress-Free Family Time

Big Feelings over Family Gatherings?

It’s the holidays! And family gatherings bring warmth, familiarity, and celebration, but they also stir up old stories, unspoken expectations, complicated dynamics, and emotional landmines. During the holidays, many of us find ourselves managing not only our children, but the weight of our own childhood patterns resurfacing amidst family dinners with our parents and siblings.

On this blog we often talk about how our reactions to our child’s behavior are never just about the current moment. They are connected to past experiences, unresolved emotions, and the messages we absorbed from our own family. Gatherings with relatives often bring those patterns back, often with high emotion.

Why Family Dynamics Are So Intensely Triggering

Family is wonderful, but it can be hard. I get it. Older siblings never see you as a full adult, younger siblings always feel a little immature, and parents and extended family are quick to judge your parenting style or life choices. Add food allergies and a little politics and it can become an explosive mix. Family is where we first learned what Read more…

How Family Connection Builds Strong Communities

Every one of us begins life in a community — our family. It’s the first place we learn who we are, how to express ourselves, and how to connect with others. Before we ever step into a classroom or make a friend, our families teach us what love, trust, and belonging feel like.

That first community shapes how we see the world. When we build relationships on empathy, curiosity, and understanding, we grow up feeling secure in who we are. If you subscribe to this newsletter you already believe in the power of family connection and know that children carry these lessons into the wider circles of life — friendships, schools, workplaces, and, eventually, their own families.

And just as families influence communities, a strong community can give families the support they need to thrive too. Connection, it turns out, flows both ways.

Family: The First Circle of Connection

We often say that connection is the foundation of growth. It starts at home, in everyday moments that teach children how to relate to others.

Think of a parent who chooses Read more…

Can You Have Empathy and Still Be The Authority?

Parenting often feels like walking a tightrope between love and limits — nurturing your child’s emotions while guiding their behavior. Sometimes, all the empathy in the world doesn’t seem to help, leaving parents unsure how to stay connected while leading with confidence.

The good news: empathy and authority are not opposites but partners for long-term resilience.

Balancing Empathy with Authority

First, let’s understand our terms:

Empathy is understanding and sharing another’s feelings. In parenting, it’s tuning into your child’s experience without judgment. Connecting first makes guidance more effective.
Authority is leadership rooted in mutual respect. Calm, confident limits help children feel safe.
Discipline is guidance that teaches children the impact of their actions.
Punishment is about control. It can create fear, mistrust, and resentment, often leading children to hide or lie to avoid trouble.

Too much empathy without authority can leave children loved but uncertain who’s in charge. Too much authority without empathy may lead to compliance out of fear, not trust. The balance is what helps our kids feel safe and guided.

Focusing on the discipline Read more…