Tag Archives: Trust

The Truth About Middle School: Why Ages 11–15 Feel So Turbulent

If you’ve ever sat across from your middle schooler, bewildered by their mood swings, sharp comments, or sudden silence, you are not alone. Most parents, myself included, describe these years as some of the most challenging in raising children. And most kids, if you ask them, will tell you that middle school just sucks. I have been through this process twice so far, and echo that sentiment as I browse through literature, advice, and research on how to support and get through this natural, but torturing phase of development.

However, as with everything, nature has a plan and there’s a reason for even this miserable phase. Between ages 11 and 15, children are going through one of the most intense periods of growth since infancy. Their bodies, brains, and social worlds are in constant upheaval, which makes everyday life feel like a rollercoaster—sometimes thrilling, sometimes terrifying, and often confusing—almost always hard. Understanding what’s happening inside your child’s brain, body, and heart can help you navigate these years with more patience, compassion, and connection.

The Social Earthquake

One of the Read more…

Just Listen: The Simple Art That Gets Your Kids Talking, Feeling Heard, and Wanting to Connect

Just Listen…

Parenting advice can feel like an endless to-do list—set boundaries, keep routines, encourage independence, be present, watch for red flags—it’s easy to forget one of the simplest, most powerful tools we have for connection: listening.

Not listening while mentally composing your reply. Not listening while scanning your phone. Not listening only to figure out what to fix.

Just. Listening.

I’m guilty of this myself. It’s hard to shift from guiding your small child through problem solving to simply witnessing, silently, your older child work through a challenge on their own. This is what we all strive to achieve with our kids, so why is it so hard to watch it happen? I can tell you. It is slow, fraught with errors, and has more consequences then we (the protectors) can handle.

However, slowing down enough to truly hear our children—without judgment, agenda, or interruption— gives them a gift that builds trust, confidence, and openness. Over time, this simple act invites them to share more, not less. It’s one of the quiet superpowers in Connective Parenting.

Why Listening

What Connection Is—And What It Isn’t

Connection is the invisible but powerful bond between you and your child. It’s made up of trust, emotional safety, and mutual respect. It’s what lets your child feel seen, heard, and valued—not just when things are going well, but especially when things are hard.

Connection is not permissiveness, spoiling, or over-accommodating. It’s not about giving in to demands or never setting limits. It’s about how you hold those limits—with empathy, clarity, and respect for your child’s experience.

Connection doesn’t mean you agree with Read more…

When Good Parenting Intentions Get in the Way of Connection

We, parents, want to “do it all well.” We want to be good parents, make the right choices, and give our kids the best. That’s a beautiful thing. It shows how deeply we care about their well-being and future. But sometimes, our desire to “get it right” can actually make things harder—for us and for our kids.

When we focus too much on doing it right, we can slip into habits that hurt connection and shrink their ability to be in the world as whole, independent people. We might become overprotective, stuck in rigid ideas about what’s “right,” or blind to feedback that could help us grow. These habits aren’t on purpose. They come from love and fear. But they can close us off from the very connection we want to build with our kids.

The “Good Parent” Trap

Being a “good parent” is a lot of pressure. There are endless books, blogs, videos, and experts giving advice on the next tip or trick. Every parent Tik-Tok influencer has a “Five Things That Make Your Child Successful” video. Add to Read more…

A Connective Parent’s Response: In Honor of the 10-Year Anniversary of the Viral Blog Post “The Letter Your Teenager Can’t Write You” by Gretchen Schmelzer

A brief excerpt from “The Letter Your Teenager Can’t Write You” by Gretchen Schmelzer, originally posted on June 23, 2015:

Dear Parent:

This is the letter I wish I could write.

This fight we are in right now. I need it. I need this fight. I can’t tell you this because I don’t have the language for it and it wouldn’t make sense anyway. But I need this fight.

I desperately need you to hold the other end of the rope. To hang on tightly while I thrash on the other end—while I find the handholds and footholds in this new world I feel like I am in.

I used to know who I was, who you were, who we were. But right now I don’t. Right now I am looking for my edges and I can sometimes only find them when I am pulling on you.

Read the full letter.

This is what we would say to that teen:

Dear Teenager,

I got your letter. Even if you can’t say the words out loud, even if it comes Read more…

Let Them Dream: Supporting Children to Explore Life Without Pressure

A common parental refrain we hear often is “I want my kids to grow up to lead happy, successful lives.” However, without realizing it, our hopes, dreams, and good intentions can turn into anxiety-laden roadblocks and place expectations on our kids that reflect our own dreams, fears, and ideas about success.

We all know that children are naturally adventurous and curious. They climb high, ask thousands of questions, and test limits. By their pre-teen years, they are diving deep into ideas and activities that don’t always make sense to parents. But that’s okay, and, in fact, a very important exploration. Allowing children to explore their interests and ideas without the pressure to conform to adult-defined standards of success helps them grow into confident, capable individuals who can see challenges as bumps in the road on their path to success rather than insurmountable obstacles. It lets them know that their parents believe in them, encourages creativity, and might even lead to innovations and careers that don’t yet exist.

The Power of Open Expression

Children thrive when they feel free to express Read more…

When Parenting Advice Doesn’t Work for Your Neurodivergent Brain or Theirs

You’ve probably seen it—another TikTok about the five missed signs of ADHD or an Instagram reel celebrating autism as a superpower. Conversations about neurodivergence are more visible than ever, and has even become a hot-button talking point in political circles. Experts, influencers, and practitioners are offering everything from behavioral strategies to nutrition tips to help families “manage” differently-wired brains.

But here’s what often gets left out: neurodivergent minds aren’t new.

Long before labels, many of the traits we now associate with ADHD, autism, sensory processing differences, and more were simply part of the human landscape. In fact, they were assets in earlier eras—essential for survival, creativity, and innovation. So, when did we lose this perspective?

The rise of industrialization brought with it a drive for standardization and the “good worker” mentality. Diverse minds began to be seen as problems to fix, impediments to productivity, and opinions that got in the way of industrial flow. Instead of seeing differences in thought that expand our ability to problem solve, think critically, and create new things, we have taken these thought makers, doers, Read more…

New Year’s Resolutions for Building Better Connections with Your Children

As the calendar turns to a new year, many of us reflect on the past and set resolutions for the months ahead. While goals like exercising more or saving money are common, the start of a new year is also the perfect time to focus on family relationships, especially the ones with your children.

Parenting can be overwhelming, and it’s easy to feel caught up in the daily grind. But this year, let’s aim to build better connections with our kids, deepen curiosity about who they are, practice patience in the tough moments, and commit to self-care so we can parent from a place of balance and strength.

These resolutions aren’t about perfection; they’re about being intentional and creating opportunities for growth, connection, and love. Let’s explore how to make these goals part of your parenting journey.

1. Build Stronger Connections

At the heart of parenting is connection. When kids feel connected to their parents, they are more likely to feel secure, valued, and loved. Strengthening this bond doesn’t require grand gestures. It’s the small, everyday moments that matter most. Read more…

How to Repair Yourself After Losing Control

Nothing is more important for your children than your own well-being.

One mom said, “If I hear one more time, fill your own cup first, I will scream. I don’t have time for yoga classes and coffee with friends.” I hear you. I would like to offer a different way to keep your cup full, your energy balanced, and your responses controlled.

It’s not all the time. It’s those moments when your child says or does that thing, gives that look or throws that punch, and you lose control. Everything you hear and read about tells you to stay calm, to stop and breathe to avoid that parenting road rage. Like it’s that easy. In the heat of the moment, it’s impossible. Instead, once again you feel like a failure.

What I’m suggesting isn’t easy. And it takes time, focus, and commitment. But you can do it piece by piece without getting out of your pajamas. You don’t have to do anything in the heat of the moment. It’s what you do after that keeps building and improving your relationship. Read more…

Focus on Trust to Encourage Your Child’s Potential

How do you think your kids experience you? Do they expect loving, positive attention and trust or criticism and judgement? Or no attention at all until they cause a problem? Watch yourself and see what they respond to.

Whenever you yell, threaten, punish, or use that blaming tone that turns your child “parent deaf”, you are teaching your children that they are a problem—because you see them as a problem. What you want is the problem to end, but what you are focusing on—what your child is doing wrong—makes the problem worse.

What you want to grow is your child’s capability.

So trust your child’s capability to overcome problems. This requires a mindset shift and understanding what trust really means. Your trust is needed 24/7, especially if your child is behaving in untrustworthy ways.

It’s not about trusting behavior or even your child’s current motivations. It’s about trusting who your child is and that he wants to do things right. The fact that things are going wrong can be corrected by your change in focus.