Tag Archives: empathy

A View from the Other Side: Creating relationships that last a lifetime

Being on the “other side” of parenting, I have a perspective I believe is important to understand. Most of you are in the thick of it, and when your day to day is mostly conducted in survival mode—”How do I get through this day? I’m so exhausted. What do you mean pay attention to how my child is feeling?”—the last thing you think about or plan for is what your relationships may be like when your children are grown.

This is a big birthday year for me. I decided what I wanted for my birthday was to spend one on one time with each of my two children—both parents of young children and very, very busy people. They both responded with “Great. Let’s do it.”

I just returned from several days on Block Island with my daughter. Earlier this year, I spent several days in Jamaica with my son. We never lacked for things to talk and laugh about. We had meaningful, heartfelt discussions that took us into deep places. And they each expressed having a wonderful time. I feel Read more…

A Mother’s Day Letter

Dear Mom/ Step Mom/ Grandmother/ Surrogate Mother

You know that thing you did last Tuesday? The thing that took about four minutes and that no one acknowledged, maybe no one even noticed? You tracked the unsigned permission slip with several phone calls to make sure your child got to go on the trip. You reschedule a doctor’s appointment so your child could go to the birthday party. You organized drivers for all your kids so all their activities could happen. You remembered that your child had been quieter than usual at breakfast and held that in the back of your mind all day. You rearranged a small part of your afternoon, without fanfare to check in.

You do dozens of these things every week—every day. Most of them will never be named. Many of them are things no one else would have thought to do at all, because you are the one whose mind is organized around the people in your family, constantly running a background check that keeps things from falling through the cracks.

Thank you! We see you. Read more…

Why Your Child May Feel Unseen Even When You’re Always There

Most of us believe we see our children clearly. We know their faces, their moods, the particular way they go quiet when something is wrong. We show up. We ask questions. We pay attention. And still, we can look right at them and miss them entirely.

Not because we aren’t trying. Because we are trying too hard to fix, to reassure, to move them toward okay. In that effort, we stop making room for where they actually are.

This is the quiet failure of attunement. It looks like love. It sounds like encouragement. But it can leave a child feeling profoundly alone in a room full of people who adore them.

Missing the Signals Through the Hope

My daughter spent several years navigating a significant medical experience. There were procedures, hospital visits, tests, and all of the uncertainty and disruption that comes with something like that landing in the middle of your adolescence. When it was finally over, we walked out of the doctor’s office and went to celebrate.

My daughter seemed off though. I questioned what was happening for Read more…

When Your Child Refuses School

School refusal is one of the most frustrating experiences a parent handles. One day your child is getting ready and heading out the door, and the next, they’re clinging to you, melting down, shutting down, or flat-out refusing to go. You find yourself cycling through frustration, fear, guilt, and even anger. I get it. I’ve been there. I’ve seen this behavior both clinically and in my own home. You think, “what’s happening? what have I missed?”. It can start slow or come out of the blue, but, regardless, it’s scary.

It’s important to remember that school refusal isn’t a sign of bad parenting or a “defiant” child. It’s a sign of overwhelm. It’s communication, and when we ask, “What’s happening inside my child that makes school feel impossible right now?” instead of, “My child is being stubborn,” it shifts everything.

School Refusal Is Not About Motivation. It’s About Safety

We tend to think of school refusal as a motivation problem:
“They just don’t want to go.”
“They’re being dramatic.”
“They’re manipulative.”

But kids don’t refuse school because they don’t care. Read more…

Can You Have Empathy and Still Be The Authority?

Parenting often feels like walking a tightrope between love and limits — nurturing your child’s emotions while guiding their behavior. Sometimes, all the empathy in the world doesn’t seem to help, leaving parents unsure how to stay connected while leading with confidence.

The good news: empathy and authority are not opposites but partners for long-term resilience.

Balancing Empathy with Authority

First, let’s understand our terms:

Empathy is understanding and sharing another’s feelings. In parenting, it’s tuning into your child’s experience without judgment. Connecting first makes guidance more effective.
Authority is leadership rooted in mutual respect. Calm, confident limits help children feel safe.
Discipline is guidance that teaches children the impact of their actions.
Punishment is about control. It can create fear, mistrust, and resentment, often leading children to hide or lie to avoid trouble.

Too much empathy without authority can leave children loved but uncertain who’s in charge. Too much authority without empathy may lead to compliance out of fear, not trust. The balance is what helps our kids feel safe and guided.

Focusing on the discipline Read more…

The Truth About Middle School: Why Ages 11–15 Feel So Turbulent

If you’ve ever sat across from your middle schooler, bewildered by their mood swings, sharp comments, or sudden silence, you are not alone. Most parents, myself included, describe these years as some of the most challenging in raising children. And most kids, if you ask them, will tell you that middle school just sucks. I have been through this process twice so far, and echo that sentiment as I browse through literature, advice, and research on how to support and get through this natural, but torturing phase of development.

However, as with everything, nature has a plan and there’s a reason for even this miserable phase. Between ages 11 and 15, children are going through one of the most intense periods of growth since infancy. Their bodies, brains, and social worlds are in constant upheaval, which makes everyday life feel like a rollercoaster—sometimes thrilling, sometimes terrifying, and often confusing—almost always hard. Understanding what’s happening inside your child’s brain, body, and heart can help you navigate these years with more patience, compassion, and connection.

The Social Earthquake

One of the Read more…

Beyond Talk: Modeling Anti-Racism for Children

Racism and bigotry are not just taught in explicit words or overt hate. They are absorbed through silence, tone, behavior, avoidance, and discomfort. They grow in the spaces where fear is left unexplored, where shame is used as a tool, and where curiosity is shut down. It starts early, long before a child has the language to name it.

It is hard to read the paper or turn on the TV without seeing images of families being separated, conversations about who belongs here and who doesn’t, or whispers about who is in our children’s classes. At Connective Parenting, we believe the parenting choices we make—how we speak, what we model, and how we respond to big emotions—are at the very heart of shaping the strength, values, and resilience of our children. All of the parents we talk to have the same goal: to heal their own wounds, be more connected and empathetic parents, and support their children in being the best versions of themselves in a peaceful and connected world. It’s time to claim the family as the foundation of Read more…

When Parenting Advice Doesn’t Work for Your Neurodivergent Brain or Theirs

You’ve probably seen it—another TikTok about the five missed signs of ADHD or an Instagram reel celebrating autism as a superpower. Conversations about neurodivergence are more visible than ever, and has even become a hot-button talking point in political circles. Experts, influencers, and practitioners are offering everything from behavioral strategies to nutrition tips to help families “manage” differently-wired brains.

But here’s what often gets left out: neurodivergent minds aren’t new.

Long before labels, many of the traits we now associate with ADHD, autism, sensory processing differences, and more were simply part of the human landscape. In fact, they were assets in earlier eras—essential for survival, creativity, and innovation. So, when did we lose this perspective?

The rise of industrialization brought with it a drive for standardization and the “good worker” mentality. Diverse minds began to be seen as problems to fix, impediments to productivity, and opinions that got in the way of industrial flow. Instead of seeing differences in thought that expand our ability to problem solve, think critically, and create new things, we have taken these thought makers, doers, Read more…

Recovering from a Shame Reaction: Rebuilding Connection and Healing Together

No matter how hard we try to parent without shame, there will be moments when we react in ways we regret. Maybe we snap at our child for making a mess, call them “selfish” when they refuse to share, or roll our eyes when they ask a question for the hundredth time (I have done all of these things at some point in my parenting, BTW). In those moments, shame sneaks into our words and tone, and we see the impact in our child’s face—hurt, withdrawal, or defensiveness. To be fair, parents are just as entitled to their true feelings and emotions as our children are – and sometimes children simply drive us crazy!

The good news? It’s never too late to repair. Even when you have lost your cool and reacted in old patterns all is not lost. Parents are people too. Parenting isn’t about being perfect; it’s about learning, growing, and reconnecting after mistakes. And when we take responsibility for our reactions, we teach our children that mistakes don’t define them—or us.

Step 1: Recognizing the Shame Reaction

Shame vs. Guilt: What’s the Difference?

Shame and guilt are often confused, but they are very different emotions. Guilt is about what we do, while shame is about who we are. Guilt can be helpful—it tells us we’ve made a mistake and Read more…