No matter how hard we try to parent without shame, there will be moments when we react in ways we regret. Maybe we snap at our child for making a mess, call them “selfish” when they refuse to share, or roll our eyes when they ask a question for the hundredth time (I have done all of these things at some point in my parenting, BTW). In those moments, shame sneaks into our words and tone, and we see the impact in our child’s face—hurt, withdrawal, or defensiveness. To be fair, parents are just as entitled to their true feelings and emotions as our children are – and sometimes children simply drive us crazy!
The good news? It’s never too late to repair. Even when you have lost your cool and reacted in old patterns all is not lost. Parents are people too. Parenting isn’t about being perfect; it’s about learning, growing, and reconnecting after mistakes. And when we take responsibility for our reactions, we teach our children that mistakes don’t define them—or us.
Shame is one of the most powerful emotions a child can experience, yet it often goes unnoticed in the way we parent. It hides behind tantrums, defiance, withdrawal, and even dishonesty. When children feel shame, they don’t just feel bad about what they’ve done—they feel bad about who they are. And that can change how they see themselves for years to come.
Emotional intelligence is a powerful tool for building strong, healthy relationships. It helps us understand our own emotions, empathize with others, and navigate life’s challenges. One of the most important skills in developing emotional intelligence is emotional literacy. Emotional literacy is the ability to recognize, understand, express, and manage emotions in oneself and others. It is truly the foundation for connection. Emotional Literacy starts long before the classroom, at home, with parents modeling and teaching the language of feelings to each other every day. 
As soon as children are born, they begin to recognize and respond to others’ emotions. This is how they secure their survival and ensure that they are fed, cared for, and loved. In fact, the bulk of emotional understanding begins before kids even learn their ABCs. However, emotional literacy is a lifelong skill that evolves with experience and guidance.
Anxiety seems to be on everyone’s minds right now, especially parents. With so much going on in the world, with our relationships and work, and with our children, it’s easy to become overwhelmed, short-tempered, and exhausted. All parents want their children to feel happy, safe and loved. But sometimes, our own worries can get in the way. Worry and anxiety can creep into our lives like water through cracks in the foundation of our homes, making us feel overwhelmed or stuck. The good news is that we can leverage some of these natural, albeit big, emotions to build stronger, healthier relationships with our children by understanding our worries and fears and learning how to manage them.
Q. My 13-year-old is constantly complaining about things at school. She complains about who is getting away with what, that the teacher is targeting and being mean to her, and that another long-time friend is talking behind her back. She had me ready to barge into school and take down the teachers, administration, and the mean group of girls. Then I checked in with a friend whose son is in the same class and she had a different perspective from a different point of view (her son’s) which made me reevaluate everything that my daughter was telling me. My question is how do you deal with your child’s drama without getting sucked in? 
As the calendar turns to a new year, many of us reflect on the past and set resolutions for the months ahead. While goals like exercising more or saving money are common, the start of a new year is also the perfect time to focus on family relationships, especially the ones with your children.
An Article on Gratitude by Shannon McNamara, Associate Director
We are thrilled to announce that Shannon McNamara, LICSW, has joined Connective Parenting as Associate Director. With over 20 years of experience in clinical social work and a deep commitment to helping families, Shannon is well-prepared to lead several key initiatives that will expand our programs and reach even more parents and professionals.