I’ve been realizing something lately. Parenting is painful. It is not the exhaustion of infancy, or the frustration of toddlerhood, or even the eye-rolling theater of adolescence. It is the quiet, cumulative grief of watching someone you love steadily and necessarily move away from you. It’s come to me as a kind of creeping grief that doesn’t arrive all at once. It comes in waves, at thresholds that we are supposed to celebrate.
The First Letting Go: Early Childhood
Even before the dramatic departures, the letting go begins small. The first sleepover. The first time my child didn’t reach for my hand crossing the street. The tiny acts of defiance that set the stage for individualization.
Each of these micro-separations was a rehearsal. My child was practicing independence, and I was practicing release. What mattered was that I cheered their growing autonomy even as I privately felt the shift. Connection wasn’t disappearing. It was transforming. I was proud of my ability to accept my children’s growing autonomy. Their comfort in separation was a sign that I was doing parenting well. Read more…
Most of us believe we see our children clearly. We know their faces, their moods, the particular way they go quiet when something is wrong. We show up. We ask questions. We pay attention. And still, we can look right at them and miss them entirely.
If you’ve ever sat across from your middle schooler, bewildered by their mood swings, sharp comments, or sudden silence, you are not alone. Most parents, myself included, describe these years as some of the most challenging in raising children. And most kids, if you ask them, will tell you that middle school just 
Anxiety seems to be on everyone’s minds right now, especially parents. With so much going on in the world, with our relationships and work, and with our children, it’s easy to become overwhelmed, short-tempered, and exhausted. All parents want their children to feel happy, safe and loved. But sometimes, our own worries can get in the way. Worry and anxiety can creep into our lives like water through cracks in the foundation of our homes, making us feel overwhelmed or stuck. The good news is that we can leverage some of these natural, albeit big, emotions to build stronger, healthier relationships with our children by understanding our worries and fears and learning how to manage them.
Q. My 13-year-old is constantly complaining about things at school. She complains about who is getting away with what, that the teacher is targeting and being mean to her, and that another long-time friend is talking behind her back. She had me ready to barge into school and take down the teachers, administration, and the mean group of girls. Then I checked in with a friend whose son is in the same class and she had a different perspective from a different point of view (her son’s) which made me reevaluate everything that my daughter was telling me. My question is how do you deal with your child’s drama without getting sucked in?