Tag Archives: respect

A View from the Other Side: Creating relationships that last a lifetime

Being on the “other side” of parenting, I have a perspective I believe is important to understand. Most of you are in the thick of it, and when your day to day is mostly conducted in survival mode—”How do I get through this day? I’m so exhausted. What do you mean pay attention to how my child is feeling?”—the last thing you think about or plan for is what your relationships may be like when your children are grown.

This is a big birthday year for me. I decided what I wanted for my birthday was to spend one on one time with each of my two children—both parents of young children and very, very busy people. They both responded with “Great. Let’s do it.”

I just returned from several days on Block Island with my daughter. Earlier this year, I spent several days in Jamaica with my son. We never lacked for things to talk and laugh about. We had meaningful, heartfelt discussions that took us into deep places. And they each expressed having a wonderful time. I feel Read more…

What Dads Teach Boys About Women

It’s a hot conversation right now, one that seems silly to need to address, but here we are regardless. How do we teach boys to be respectful of girls, and whose job is it? There’s a version of this conversation that centers on rules: don’t speak to girls that way, don’t touch someone who doesn’t want to be touched, respect your mother. These are good rules to have, and rules have their place. But rules are architecture without a foundation. A person who follows rules because they are told to will look for the edges. Someone who has internalized the value of the people around them doesn’t need to be reminded.

That understanding doesn’t come from a single talk. It comes from watching. And the primary person most boys are watching, whether or not their father, stepfather, or grandfather knows it, is the other men in their lives. This isn’t new information, but we often forget that little eyes are everywhere, all the time.

Fathers carry a quiet and continuous influence simply by being present and engaged. The way a Read more…

The Truth About Middle School: Why Ages 11–15 Feel So Turbulent

If you’ve ever sat across from your middle schooler, bewildered by their mood swings, sharp comments, or sudden silence, you are not alone. Most parents, myself included, describe these years as some of the most challenging in raising children. And most kids, if you ask them, will tell you that middle school just sucks. I have been through this process twice so far, and echo that sentiment as I browse through literature, advice, and research on how to support and get through this natural, but torturing phase of development.

However, as with everything, nature has a plan and there’s a reason for even this miserable phase. Between ages 11 and 15, children are going through one of the most intense periods of growth since infancy. Their bodies, brains, and social worlds are in constant upheaval, which makes everyday life feel like a rollercoaster—sometimes thrilling, sometimes terrifying, and often confusing—almost always hard. Understanding what’s happening inside your child’s brain, body, and heart can help you navigate these years with more patience, compassion, and connection.

The Social Earthquake

One of the Read more…

Just Listen: The Simple Art That Gets Your Kids Talking, Feeling Heard, and Wanting to Connect

Just Listen…

Parenting advice can feel like an endless to-do list—set boundaries, keep routines, encourage independence, be present, watch for red flags—it’s easy to forget one of the simplest, most powerful tools we have for connection: listening.

Not listening while mentally composing your reply. Not listening while scanning your phone. Not listening only to figure out what to fix.

Just. Listening.

I’m guilty of this myself. It’s hard to shift from guiding your small child through problem solving to simply witnessing, silently, your older child work through a challenge on their own. This is what we all strive to achieve with our kids, so why is it so hard to watch it happen? I can tell you. It is slow, fraught with errors, and has more consequences then we (the protectors) can handle.

However, slowing down enough to truly hear our children—without judgment, agenda, or interruption— gives them a gift that builds trust, confidence, and openness. Over time, this simple act invites them to share more, not less. It’s one of the quiet superpowers in Connective Parenting.

Why Listening

What Connection Is—And What It Isn’t

Connection is the invisible but powerful bond between you and your child. It’s made up of trust, emotional safety, and mutual respect. It’s what lets your child feel seen, heard, and valued—not just when things are going well, but especially when things are hard.

Connection is not permissiveness, spoiling, or over-accommodating. It’s not about giving in to demands or never setting limits. It’s about how you hold those limits—with empathy, clarity, and respect for your child’s experience.

Connection doesn’t mean you agree with Read more…

Beyond Talk: Modeling Anti-Racism for Children

Racism and bigotry are not just taught in explicit words or overt hate. They are absorbed through silence, tone, behavior, avoidance, and discomfort. They grow in the spaces where fear is left unexplored, where shame is used as a tool, and where curiosity is shut down. It starts early, long before a child has the language to name it.

It is hard to read the paper or turn on the TV without seeing images of families being separated, conversations about who belongs here and who doesn’t, or whispers about who is in our children’s classes. At Connective Parenting, we believe the parenting choices we make—how we speak, what we model, and how we respond to big emotions—are at the very heart of shaping the strength, values, and resilience of our children. All of the parents we talk to have the same goal: to heal their own wounds, be more connected and empathetic parents, and support their children in being the best versions of themselves in a peaceful and connected world. It’s time to claim the family as the foundation of Read more…

Protecting the Beauty and Integrity of Boys

Raising boys in today’s world can feel overwhelming. Parents want their sons to be strong, kind, and successful. But sometimes, without realizing it, we pass down messages that can hurt more than help. Fear, shame, blame, and aggression have been used for generations to shape boys into what society expects them to be. But there is a better way.

Boys deserve to grow up knowing their emotions are valuable, that strength comes from connection, and that integrity means being true to themselves. Parents—especially fathers—have the power to protect their sons’ beauty and integrity by healing their own wounds and modeling healthy emotions and communication skills.

Breaking the Cycle

Many parents carry pain, realized or unrealized, from their own childhoods and the expectations placed on them by the adults who cared for them. If we were raised with fear or shame around our likes, dislikes, or personal preferences and choices, we may instinctively use the same methods with our boys. It’s easy to fall into patterns of saying things like:

“Stop crying. Don’t be a baby.”
“Toughen up. The world isn’t

Does this sound fairy-tale-ish?

Especially when right now you struggle with demanding kids who seem oblivious to your requests and inconsiderate of other’s needs?

Even though your struggles today are very real and very exhausting, this is the time, no matter how young your child is, to focus on the journey of reaching the goal of 100% authority over themselves instead of being the entitled Read more…

Healthy Boundaries are Necessary to Set Good Limits

Boundaries refer to the separation of responsibilities between me and my child. Limits refer to what behaviors I am ok with and what I am not. To have appropriate limits, it is essential to establish healthy boundaries.

Your child’s thoughts, emotions and behavior are NOT your responsibility.

Your thoughts, emotions and behavior are your responsibility, never your child’s.

You are not responsible for your child’s happiness. You are 100% responsible for everything you say and do.

This principle of responsibility underlies the effective and successful application of any and all of your parenting. This is a strong boundary.

But do you look at your children’s behavior as a reflection of your parenting? Do you see acting out behavior as a sign of your inadequacy? Do you feel resentful when you do so much and get so little appreciation? If yes, your boundaries need some shoring up.

Healthy Boundaries

A boundary is the dividing line between me and my child (or anyone). On my side of the boundary, I know what my problems, emotions, behavior, and responsibilities are. And I do Read more…

What Are the Secrets that Make Children Successful?

As far as I can tell, most parents want to raise successful children to reach launch-age fully capable of conducting their lives with responsibility and respect. When they leave the safety of their nests feeling self-confident, competent, resilient, and have the drive to contribute positively to the world, they are ready to greet whatever comes at them. We want our children to go out into the world capable of finding success yet able to weather the bumps and storms with a strong sense of self. But, what are the secrets that make children successful?

We do not want our kids to launch with the attitude that the world owes them, they are separate from the rules others must follow, and they shouldn’t have to work hard for what they want. We want them to create interdependent relationships with others and not use their individual power to push others out of their way.

Most of all we want our children to feel inspired and fulfilled in their lives, doing what they love, satisfied with most of their choices and in mutually Read more…