Q. What is an appropriate response to a child who hits you or pushes you out of anger and he is 11?  When the anger escalates, and you tell him it’s not ok and he still does it? It’s a slippery slope. This same child has also been extremely violent to his brother and knocked his head against the wall. He’s improved a lot over the years, but sometimes this violent behavior still rears its head, and I don’t know what to do except to scream stop. What is an appropriate response?

A. If you are telling your son that his anger and hitting is not ok and he keeps it up, it means he needs you to address something that he has no idea how to articulate. This is what makes parenting the hardest job on the planet. At this point you are reacting to his behavior alone, the tip of the iceberg, what you see on the surface. But the emotional state that is provoking that anger is what needs addressing, and that can be a long gradual Read more…

As much as I talk about the importance of taking care of yourself, of filling up your cup so you can fill your children’s, we put ourselves at the bottom of our to-do list—if we make it to the list at all. There’s always too much to do.

I received this email from a woman who has been there and done just that—taken care of herself—after realizing the importance of it. She said it so well that I had to share her words with all of you. Please take heed and let her words give you a kick where you need it. Start re-prioritizing now.

I recently listened to your podcast Tell Me About Your Kids. One episode struck a chord within me because I was that mother to my oldest son when he was 3-7. I had unrealistic expectations, preconceived notions about “normal behaviour”, compared him to his peers, felt ashamed and guilty that our parenting must have “caused this”, felt hopeless and yelled a lot… not knowing what to do and feeling like I was doing it all Read more…

Ever worry that your kids don’t take responsibility for themselves, always get defensive when criticized and blame somebody else? How many adults do you know like that? Blaming something or someone else when we are angry, criticized, or thwarted is as natural to humans as laughing or crying. But is it inherent in our nature or is it learned behavior? What I do know is that we can raise respectful and responsible children without it.

Children learn to play the blame game at very young ages. It starts with running off, blocking ears when they know they did something wrong. Then “I didn’t do it, he did” until connection and trust gets lost somewhere along the way and your tween and teen ends up barricaded in his room on a device where he doesn’t get blamed or punished for anything.

Exhausted, stressed parents feel under attack from even their smallest resistant child. So, blame and punishment begins. We want others to suffer when we suffer. It’s called retaliation. If I’m exhausted at the end of the day, my kids might Read more…

Another school year has begun. But this one is unlike any other. All the emotions that come up for you and your children at this time of year are exaggerated and exacerbated by Covid. Nothing is normal, nothing is predictable. But school is school however it is conducted so I offer some thoughts.

Whether your child is excited about school starting or dreads it—either in class or remote or both—may have a lot to do with the support system. We want our children to take responsibility for their education, but we usurp that responsibility when we tell them how it should be done—when we adults take control of their education and learning process. We fear that children don’t care about their education, so we direct instead of support. Our children need us to learn how they learn best, to set up the support system they need to do their best, and then trust that they will find their way.

It is the rare child who likes to do homework and is self-motivated enough to set up the time for it Read more…

Seriously, has parenting ever been more stressful than it has been the past 5 months? And it continues as many of you are stressed over continued remote learning, whether to send your kids back to school or not (if you even have a choice), worry that your children are falling behind, frustration over no uninterrupted time to do your work, and fear that you are failing as a parent from overwhelm.

I often talk about the importance of Being instead of Doing. Your children want you—but not the nagging, yelling, telling them what to do you. They want to simply be with you. It may look like they demand everything and act out just “to get your attention”. But these are the ways a young child knows how to ask for you.

Being Time is more important than ever these days. Yeah, I know, you don’t have time nor one more ounce of energy for it. Frankly you probably just want to stuff your kids in a closet for a couple hours/days while you chill. But I’m not suggesting Read more…